*Note: I’ve written this from a woman’s perspective, but most of it applies to both sexes.

1. He doesn’t define the relationship.
You’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks or even a few months and he still hasn’t defined the relationship. You don’t know if you’re just his pal, his girlfriend or fiancée! You try to ask him where the relationship is heading and he says something like, ‘I’m just seeing how it goes, I’m not in a hurry to label ‘us’.’ The truth is, a man that knows what he wants, wont lead you on. He won’t keep tugging at your heart strings whilst he tries to decide whether you’re right for him or not. My advice to you is to be really honest with yourself and ask him to be really honest with you. Be careful though; I’m not saying you should put pressure on someone to define a relationship when you are both obviously still trying to get to know each other. That could send off the wrong signals. But, you do need to know whether the person you’re with sees you in their future or not.

2. You don’t have peace in the relationship.
You fight / quarrel a lot, and you don’t seem to agree on a lot of things. You’re constantly on edge, or worried about the relationship. He hasn’t called. You can’t sleep. You’re always on the phone lamenting to your best friend about what he’s done or not done. Like someone once said, ‘if you’re always crying in a relationship, ask yourself, ‘am I dating a human being or an onion?!’’. It may sound ridiculous but the Bible says that God’s blessings enrich our lives, and He adds no sorrows to it (Proverbs 10:22). If you’re constantly worried about a relationship, you need to take some time out to decide if it’s something you need to work on within yourself, or whether you do have reason to worry. Again, I’m not saying that the right relationship won’t have any issues, but in a good relationship, you’re able to work through issues, and the relationship does not cause you stress.

3. You don’t feel like you’re special to him.
He doesn’t make an effort with you. You make an appointment to meet up or do something together but he always seems to forget or cancel last minute. He doesn’t seem sympathetic to your personal struggles. When you’re in the right relationship, you will feel special. Your partner will make time for you. Selflessness is a mainstay of the relationship and this goes both ways.

4. He’s reluctant to introduce you to his family or close friends, even after you’ve been together for some time.
This period of time may vary between different relationships. But when you’ve introduced a guy to your friends and family and he’s still dragging his feet with reciprocating, and without much valid reason, this could be a cause for concern, especially if some of the other points also apply.

5. His family are not keen on you.
Now this one is tricky because you and your partner may be completely happy but for one reason or the other, his family may not approve of the relationship. My advice is to be very careful and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance if you’re in a relationship where your potential in-laws aren’t too keen on you. Yes, your relationship is predominantly about the two of you but never underestimate the importance of having family support.

6. Your family / close friends are not too keen on him.
They say ‘love is blind’, and it is true to an extent. If the people that are closest to you and love you the most are not keen on the person you’re in a relationship with, it should cause you to think twice. And if they love you enough to be completely honest and tell you the truth, you really need to pay attention; they may be seeing something that you’re not.

7. Being with them makes you feel inadequate.
If you feel like you have to act / speak / dress a certain way to please your partner, or to gain their affection, you’re in the wrong relationship. You should be free to be yourself. Yes, the right person should make you want to be better and improve in all areas of life, but this should not come at the cost of losing your own personality and what makes you unique.

8. You find yourself compromising on your values and your morals just to keep them happy.
If spending time with someone leads you to start doing things you wouldn’t normally do, for example, things that go against your personal beliefs and your faith, you need to take a step back and consider whether that relationship is really worth it.

9. The relationship drains you and you feel like you’re giving too much and not getting anything in return.
It’s like having a bank account. If someone’s constantly making withdrawals and no deposits, you’ll soon find yourself in the red, and whilst this sometimes happens financially, it is especially true and can happen physically and emotionally too. A healthy relationship is one where both parties add to the relationship and grow together. It is not one-sided.

10. You know it yourself and you keep thinking of a way out.
Sometimes, we know the truth and just want someone to spell it out for us. This is me trying to spell it out for you. You owe it to yourself to not spend another day in a relationship that you know isn’t what God wants for you.

If you’re reading this and you’re thinking, ‘she’s talking about my relationship’, please don’t ignore it.