We can’t always control circumstances and we certainly can’t control the actions of others. But there’s much we can do from our own point of view, to create a more serene path. Here are some tips for getting and giving the most on your dating journey, without it feeling like an emotional rollercoaster.

Get some perspective

At the time, disappointments and let downs often feel like the end of the world. We’ve all been there and it can be incredibly painful and hurtful. At these junctures in life, it can really help to plug into the bigger picture. Remind yourself how big God is, how big the world is, and that this too shall pass. Taking time out to do other things is a part of this. Try not to let dating take over, become an obsession and eat up all your spare time. Keep it in balance with the other components and people in your life.

Journal regularly

This is an excellent way to maintain that sense of perspective, especially by reading entries back a few days, weeks, months or even years later. Pour out your heart by putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). It’s hugely cathartic and provides a great outlet for those feelings. Plus it’s a time-proven method of processing your thoughts and emotions in a safe and therapeutic way. This, in turn, helps you to have more measured responses and appropriately work out the pent up rage, hysteria or infatuation (or a combination of all three), in private.

Don’t court it

Drama can be contagious. An animated story is a lot of fun, and we do all need to let off steam now and again. However, if you’re chatting to someone who’s very reactive and seems to have a history of relationship catastrophes, meltdowns, and a litany of issues, tread carefully. It can be easy to become entangled in other people’s drama. We all have weaknesses of course. But with some, further insight and growth are needed before being able to embark on a full and healthy relationship.

Be kind to yourself

We often unconsciously set ourselves absolutes like: ‘I must find someone’, ‘This has to work out’, ‘This date mustn’t go badly’ and so on. In doing so we set our own bar impossibly high. As a result, if things do go ‘wrong’ it feels horrendous. Allow space for imperfection, bumps in the road and know that none of it has any impact on your value as a human being or value as a potential spouse.

As William Shakespeare wrote: “The course of true love never did run smooth”. Yes, there may/will be ups and downs. It can be a white knuckle ride if you hold on tightly at every twist and turn. Or an unpredictable adventure, if you relax and trust that it will all work out in the end – just perhaps not quite the way you had planned.