Looking back

When creating a vision for the next stage of our lives, it’s useful to look back at what we’ve learned in recent months – to explore what we’d like to keep from the first half of the year and what we’d prefer to leave behind.

As much of the world adapts to a new normal and the pace of everything picks up, you may decide that you’d like to hold on to some of the peace or space you may have experienced. So how can you bring more stillness and slowness into the next period of your life? Would you like to recommit to some daily quiet time? And how would you like to spend that time? Importantly, how are you going to protect this time from all the other things that will inevitably compete for it?

Perhaps the difficult season that’s just passed has also helped you to crystallise your priorities, reminding you what’s really important in life. If so, maybe you’d like to do some journaling to reflect on these priorities. What has 2020 taught you so far about the people and things you hold dear? Once you know your priorities, it becomes easier to allocate your precious energy.

And maybe the experience of recent months has helped to give you a clearer picture of the kind of person you’d like to be with – of the values you’d like your future partner to possess. So why not draw up a broad-brush vision of your future partner, if you haven’t already done so? I always recommend a broad-brush vision rather than a specific list as it’s important to keep our options open and to refrain from judging people too soon.

Looking forward

Now, look ahead through the coming months. How can you create a 2020 that’s memorable for reasons other than the coronavirus? What would you like the second half of this year to bring?

If your primary goal is to be in a healthy relationship by the end of the year, what steps do you need to take in order to make that happen?

Here are some suggestions, based on my own experience:

– Use some of your quiet time to reflect on your foundations. How is your connection to yourself, to your feelings and to God? How is your self-esteem? How is your confidence? When you date online, do you feel good about yourself? Do you feel valuable and lovable?

– Are you aware of your patterns in relationships and are you taking steps to break those patterns? Do you know the fears that drive your patterns? If you understand the roots of your fears, you stand a better chance of changing your patterns, even the truly stubborn ones.

– Have you let go of all your past relationships and those dreams that didn’t come true, in order to clear the decks for something exciting and new? Have you let go of the negative core beliefs that previously dragged you down?

– Are you living your life authentically? Is your work aligned with your authentic self or do you pursue hobbies that are true to you? If you are living and working authentically, you are more likely to be dating in the right pool, meeting people with whom you have plenty in common.

– Are you feeling open-hearted and do you have a positive mindset when it comes to dating?

– Are you making time and space in your schedule for dating and for love, as well as for self-care?

If you can answer Yes to these questions, I believe you’re well equipped to have a fun and successful experience of dating and to accomplish your goal of a happy, healthy relationship.

If the answer is No, you may simply need to spend a little more time building up your healthy foundations so that you are in a good place to make the most of dating. You may need to spend a bit more time healing your relationship with yourself so that you can have a loving relationship with another.

Dating can be tiring and time-consuming, plus we now have the added complications of coronavirus, but when we date with healthy self-esteem and a strong connection to ourselves and to God, it can be enjoyable and incredibly fruitful.