You are enough

No matter your relationship status, you are enough. When you feel tempted to ‘compare and despair’ – to consider yourself less than because you are struggling to find love or because you’re the only single person in your friendship group – it’s important to remember that your self-worth isn’t contingent on having a partner by your side. You are a precious child of God. You are equal. You are worthy.

If you find it hard to embrace this truth, spend some time exploring why your self-esteem is suffering. What kind of self-worth wounds do you carry? Do they date from the recent past, from recent relationships perhaps, or from your early life? When we identify our wounds and the roots of our low self-esteem, we can begin to heal them and we can take steps to grow in self-acceptance, self-love and self-worth, ideally with the support of friends of professionals.

It’s about the journey, not the destination

I appreciate that when we’re looking for love or have our hearts set on marriage, the destination seems paramount. We want to get to the finish line. But the journey is valid too. In fact, the journey offers some incredible opportunities to embrace single life, to learn more about ourselves, to become more comfortable in our own skin, to heal and to grow and to practise dating and relating in a healthy way.

Even the best of relationships will bring challenges so the more we can practise healthy boundaries and good communication as we look for love and the more we can create a life that brings us joy and fulfilment before we meet our match, the better prepared we’ll be for our long-term relationship when it does come along. How can you enjoy the journey today? What can you be grateful for? How can you stay in the present moment rather than imagining a fantasy future or wishing away today?

Rejection could be God’s protection

You’ll have heard this before and you may well be rolling your eyes at this point. Perhaps you’ve had enough of rejection by now. But I know from my own experience that rejection is often the best thing that can happen to us. I felt the hurt and pain of rejection myself when I was dating and I obsessed about one particular man for a long time (‘the one that got away’).

But I sat with my feelings, processed my pain and allowed myself the space and time to heal, eventually seeing with absolute clarity that rejection was a stepping-stone on my journey to a loving marriage. It helped me to deepen my healing and it cleared the way for the right man to enter my life.

Rejection doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It could simply be that you and the other person weren’t compatible – there will be people that you will reject too for one reason or another. Or it could be that the other person was afraid of commitment and chose to run off before getting too close.

This, ultimately, is something to be thankful for. This person wasn’t ready for what you have to offer and the good news is you got your answer about the relationship sooner rather than later. If you are rejected, take the time to soothe yourself, to be kind and compassionate to yourself, and then, when you’re ready, try again.

There is always hope

Look back over your life and search for experiences where God has done for you what you couldn’t do for yourself – where things worked out when all seemed lost. Writing this, I remember the years I spent travelling solo around the world in my twenties. I was reckless. I frequently ran out of money. I put myself in risky situations. But coincidences and mini-miracles kept on happening. I was taken care of.

I think the same about my journey to love. For years, I thought there was something wrong with me, that I wasn’t cut out for relationships, that I’d never manage to make one work. The truth is I was being healed and I was being prepared. God was teaching me to love and value myself, to have healthy boundaries and to make loving choices. He showed me the way and I put in the footwork and I continue to put in the footwork today within my marriage, as my healing continues.

There is always hope. How can you develop a hopeful mindset today?

Hold on to these truths as you look for love and to any others that feel relevant to you. Stay open-minded and open-hearted as you date and see each experience as a learning opportunity. Your partner lies on the other side of this personal growth.

Enjoyed reading ‘4 truths to remember while looking for love’? Read more by Katherine Baldwin here