So how can we tell if someone is trustworthy or not? I remember my first impression of my now husband when we first met – I recall thinking that he was an open, honest and trustworthy man. Obviously we can’t just go on the outside as looks can be deceiving, but you can pray that you get an initial reaction with someone, pray that you can be at ease if they’re right or unsettled if they’re not, and take your time getting to know them. Working out how to grow trust while dating requires discernment too.

Here are some simple ways you can develop trust as you date.

Wisdom

Pray for godly wisdom before you even meet. Pray that you will know the prompting of the Holy Spirit and be wise to walk away if something doesn’t feel right. Pray that your eyes will be open to any red flags when meeting or talking and get out of the situation. You don’t have to stay in a date that has obvious red flags, you can make your excuses and leave. There have been times when I was dating when something had been said that made me realise that the date was not trustworthy, or I was left on my own when my date met his mates. Keep your eyes and ears open.

Wisdom also means being open-minded as well. If I went into my dates with the exact picture and expectation of what I was looking for, then I would be disappointed every time and I would remain single – sometimes God does push us gently to be open-minded. Be wise in what you reveal about yourself at first – obviously don’t reveal anything that is too personal at this stage, and if a date is interested in your financial details, this is a red flag.

If you start dating and entering into a relationship, then you can reveal more, but if the personal details come back to you from a different source, you know that your date isn’t trustworthy as personal information has been spread in what should have been a private conversation. If information also doesn’t add up, then you want to be mindful of lies and untruths, which can cause distrust.

Prayer

Prayer is a beautiful picture of trust – we’ve never physically met God, yet we completely trust Him and know He’s trustworthy. How? Because God keeps His promises, He does what He says He will do, He is faithful, He looks after us, He protects us, we see the effects of God at work in other people and in our own lives. He is the perfect example of someone who is trustworthy.

When seeking whether you can trust someone or not, see if their lives reflect God and God’s character – the fruits of the Spirit should be pouring out of them. If their characteristics are the opposite of the fruit that God talks about, then be wary and don’t rush to trust them. See if they match up to God’s standards of trust – does your date keep promises, are they faithful, do they have your best interests at heart, can you see God at work in their lives?

Actions

Sometimes actions speak louder than words – how does your date treat you? Do you feel valued, prioritised, and most of all do you feel safe? Do they listen to you, respect you, hold to your boundaries, not push you to do something you don’t want to, do they treat you as a child of God, precious and worthy, or do they treat you as something they own, or want to own?

Watch and learn every time you meet someone. Their actions can show integrity in the small things with not only you, but other people. How your date conducts themselves in certain situations can give you an insight into the trustworthiness of their character – are they nice to the waiting staff? Are they on time or do they leave you hanging? Are they distracted on their phone or focusing on you? Look to see if they’re godly – you should be able to see some attractive godly qualities which will help you to know about trustworthiness. If you decide on a time and place to meet them, do they show up?

If you can’t even trust them to be there for you in the smaller things, how can you trust them with the bigger aspects of your life? You’ll know soon enough if there’s no stability, no reliability, and no respect of trust.

Be Trustworthy Yourself

Trust works both ways. Your date may shut down if they feel that they can’t trust you, so you must also conduct yourself with integrity. Don’t over share their private information, don’t mock or tease characteristics in the early stages as they may be self-conscious, be honest, don’t make up things about yourself to make yourself look better, do what you say you will, when you say you’ll do it. All these things build trust and help your date to open up to you. Be reliable and be a rock.

Practically, when planning on dating and starting a relationship, it’s important in those early days that someone else knows where you are, who you are meeting and it is good for you have a friend or family member to call should things not feel right. It is important in this day and age to date in a safe way.

And remember: “Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding.” Above everything, seek the Lord and He will guide you. Don’t open up about anything you don’t feel comfortable saying and remember that time does help as well. The longer you get to know someone, the more you’ll be able to know them and hopefully trust them – and you’ll have the tools to discern the right path.

What helps you to grow trust while dating?

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