Author Archives: HopefulGirl

“I’m just about ready to throw in the towel, HopefulGirl” said the email. “I’ve been on the Christian dating scene for ages and I still haven’t met anyone. I’m exhausted, demoralised and losing hope.”

When I first joined a Christian dating website, I was convinced that within the year, God would guide me to my future husband. I was still on the scene several years later! When you’re putting in the effort and don’t feel like you’re making progress, it’s easy to become discouraged and give up. So here are my top seven tips for staying motivated and avoiding ‘dating fatigue’…

‘Don’t worry, HopefulGirl, you’ll meet someone soon – the divorcés are coming back onto the market every day!’ declared my friend, cheerfully.
‘Great,’ I sighed. ‘Divorce, broken families and shattered dreams – and me picking through the carnage. There’s something to look forward to.’
Divorce is a touchy subject for Christians. Some believe that, once married, a person is never free to marry again unless their spouse dies – and no exceptions. Others believe God doesn’t condemn us to be single forever if we, or our former spouse, made mistakes or behaved badly. It’s a theological tangle I’m not qualified to unpick – we each have to exercise our own judgement.

Even when I got to the stage in my dating adventures when I was positively blasé about first dates, there was always one point in the proceedings that was guaranteed to raise my blood pressure. The moment the bill arrived. It wasn’t such a stress if we’d just met for drinks – we might even have taken it in turns to buy rounds. But if we’d gone the whole hog and had dinner, I’d dread the waiter approaching with that ominous piece of folded paper on a silver plate. Should I go with tradition and leave it to the chap to pick up the tab? If I tried to go Dutch, would I offend him? If I didn’t, would I look like some gold-digging prima donna?

“Hi, HopefulGirl – long time no see.” I caught my breath. I was at a school reunion, and the moment I clapped eyes on PilotMan, I was catapulted back to those breathless teen years. I’d had a major crush on the tall, dark lad who sat behind me in maths, but I always knew he was too cool to look at mousy little me. Or so I’d thought, because as we reminisced, PilotMan confessed he’d had a crush on me, too. ‘Oh, the wasted years!’ I laughed.

For Christmas one year, I got more than I’d bargained for. I was unceremoniously dumped by my fiancé. We’d been together for some years, so it came as a tremendous shock when, just as we were finally planning the whole wedding-and-babies thing, he announced out of the blue that it was all off. It turned out my replacement was already waiting in the wings, although he was too cowardly to tell me himself.

‘How will I ever get together with someone, HopefulGirl?’ wailed my friend. ‘Last time I accepted a date, I was so nervous, I cancelled at the last minute!’

Many of us struggle with first date nerves, especially if we haven’t been on one for some time. When I joined the Christian singles scene after the end of a long-term engagement, I hadn’t been on a first date for nearly a decade. I couldn’t even remember how the whole dating thing worked, and I was pretty sure the rules had changed since I was last single.

‘Nice to meet you, HopefulGirl. My name is ShyMan.’

As I arrived at the Christian singles event, my eyes alighted on a cute chap by the bar. He wore a slightly nervous expression, and I could tell he was out of his comfort zone, which instantly warmed me to him. Later, as I chatted with a group in the garden, he appeared in the doorway. I beckoned him to join us. He looked over his shoulder to see if I was targeting someone behind him. Cute and modest! Eventually, ShyMan and I separated from the group for a one-to-one chat. He was quiet but friendly, and I fancied there might be a little connection between us.

‘I’m so excited to meet him at last, HopefulGirl. We’ve been chatting online for a while, and he’s such a lovely Christian man! He’s invited me to his place for dinner.’

My blood ran cold at her words, but this lady couldn’t see the problem. She thought this chap could be the answer to her dreams. I was worried he might turn out to be the stuff of nightmares.