Author Archives: Katherine Baldwin

When we’re looking for someone to love, it’s only natural to go dating with a picture in our minds of the person we want to be with, but what if this picture is sabotaging our chances of meeting the partner who’s right for us?

There’s a practice I’m trying to follow right now to take care of my health and wellbeing. It’s called substituting and the idea is that before adding something new into my life – an activity, a hobby or any sort of commitment – I must first let go of something that requires a similar amount of energy, time and space. I believe this holds true for love too. Looking back over my romantic history, there were so many things I had to let go of or give up in order to make space for love and create the right conditions for a healthy relationship. Here are five of those things.

When my single friends or coaching clients ask me for feedback on their dating profiles, I often point out that they are selling themselves short. I know these people, either personally or through my work. I know that they are vibrant and colourful, or intuitive and intelligent, or funny and friendly, or supportive and kind, or generous and open-hearted, or, in many cases, all of the above. Yet this doesn’t come across in their profiles…

Many of us go dating in the dark, without a clear picture of what we want, need, deserve or can expect from a romantic relationship. We may be so intent on meeting someone that we override our intuition, ignore red flags and open our hearts to the first person who pays us any attention. When we experience the addictive ‘falling in love’ feeling, it’s easy to think the relationship is part of God’s plan for our lives. But is it?

Dating can be disheartening. I know because I’ve been there. But dating when we’re disheartened is a recipe for failure. So how can we remain positive and hopeful, even when faced with dating disappointment?

Dating with a heart that’s both open and protected may sound like an oxymoron but being able to strike this tricky balance is key to finding healthy love. Our hearts are precious, on a physical, emotional and spiritual level. They pump blood around our body, they connect us to others through love and they connect us to God. They are also easily hurt or wounded, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. It’s not called heartache for nothing, and many of us will have experienced some level of heartbreak. But if past heartache leads us to become overly protective of our hearts, we risk sabotaging our chances of finding true love.

There’s nothing like a global pandemic to get us thinking about what we really want out of life and for many of us, one of the top priorities is to find love. I know from experience that it’s all too easy to abandon our boundaries and let go of healthy relationship practices when we start to feel a sense of urgency, especially faced with post-pandemic dating. So how do we balance the passionate pursuit of a partner with the patience that’s required in order to find the right match?

It’s tempting, at the start of a new year, to write a long list of things we’d like to change and then frantically set about trying to change them, while anxiously watching the clock. But impatience, from my experience, rarely pays off, especially when it comes to love. So, as we move into 2022, I invite you to let go of any worry, panic, fixed timelines or tight deadlines. Yes, I invite you to take your foot off the gas and relax.