Dating & Relationship Advice

When you first start dating someone, they might seem almost perfect. In the first flush of love, that person appears to be exactly what you were looking for and it’s hard to imagine anything about them annoying you. Then you start to notice… maybe they chew loudly, pick their teeth after a meal, or spend hours scrolling on their phone. Perhaps these habits are on your list of non-negotiables when searching for love – or are suddenly added to the list! Or it might be that some annoying habits pop up early on and an otherwise interesting person is ruled out completely before you really get to know them. That can be part of a very natural selection process – one person’s annoyance is another person’s lovable quirk – but it could also damage a promising connection. So, what should you do?

Relationships, whether in the early ‘butterflies in the stomach’ phase, or twenty years down the line all require some effort to keep things exciting. Perhaps you’re just getting to know someone, and you don’t know if it will lead to your happily ever after, or you’re seeing someone exclusively and wondering how you can keep things ticking along nicely. Or you may be reading this and are just hoping for that someone to develop a spark with. Here are five fun tips on keeping the spark in a relationship.

Looking for love can be challenging. I know from my own experience and from speaking with my coaching clients that we can end up feeling disappointed and downhearted, hopeless even, ready to throw in the towel. If this is you, it might be time to reset your romantic life. A reset will look different for everyone but here are eight steps that might help you to feel optimistic again.

Dating is great when you both know where you’re at and what you ‘are’. Boundaries can be set, and you know and agree where you’re headed. Although some people may not like the idea of labels or awkward conversations about if or when to commit, it does help to set in black and white the status of your relationship, which then manages expectations. But the period before getting to that point can sometimes be muddy. It’s similar to going on a long trip – you’ll check the road map to get an idea of the journey, but diversions and traffic jams can cause some unexpected disruptions.

When you’re both on the same wavelength and united in where a relationship is headed, it’s easier to plan the journey; you may both know you want to get married (maybe to each other!), you’re unified in what you’re after, so let’s make it ‘official’. But how do you reach the point where you can talk about it or be headed in the same direction? How do you know when to move to the next stage? How do you know when to commit?

A bishop once said, “Your family are God’s gift to you.” A playwright once said, “Your friends are God’s way of apologising for your family.” I must admit at different times in my life I have felt both are true. Whatever your past experience of family life and family relationships — whether it’s been positive, negative, mixed, or barely there — when it comes to romantic relationships, it’s wise to think about the family factor: yours and your partner’s.

Couples who play together stay together. I love this expression and it rings true for me. If two people can sing, dance, paint, hike, bike or swim together, and support each other despite different levels of ability, I believe they are on to a good thing. My husband and I did most of our courting on mountain bikes. I remember one bike ride clearly – I was struggling to get up a steep slope and he was pedalling alongside me, cheering me on. Without his support, I likely would have got off and walked. As it was, I made it to the top without putting my feet down.

When it comes to mountain biking, I can’t compete with my husband – he’s bigger, stronger and faster than me – but we still enjoy biking together. As a laid-back guy, he’s happy to go at my pace, to wait for me now and then and to tell me that I can do it when I think I can’t. He encourages me but doesn’t push me. Not everyone is like this.

We’re all different and have different upbringings and outlooks on life, so it’s completely normal to have disagreements from time to time. Whether you’re in a relationship, or just getting to know someone, a time will come when you’ll find that you’re not on the same page, or you just have different views on a particular matter. What do you do when this happens? Jump ship? Decide the friendship or relationship is worth more than a (small) disagreement? It’s not fun having disagreements with people we care about, but there are some simple ways to disagree without losing the relationship. Here are five tips on how to disagree well.

Online dating has challenges as well as blessings, but what happens when you have unrequited feelings, when you like someone who doesn’t like you back? You find someone online who seems to be perfect, you build up excitement, you meet said person and they seem even better than hoped for, but then it’s like having a relationship with a brick wall. It can feel intense! Nancy Meyers put it well in romcom ‘The Holiday’: “And then, there’s another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It’s called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert.” How can you move on from this?