Dating & Relationship Advice

An Ancient Greek myth tells of a young man who lost all his chances of love and happiness. Why? Because he caught sight of his own reflection in a pool of water and fell in love with himself, never bothering to look away from his reflection into the eyes of a potential life-partner. This is the legend of Narcissus, from which we derive ‘narcissism’. So how can a story about an Ancient Greek relate to our romantic relationships today? It’s because sometimes in our dating life we have a drive, unconscious or not, to focus too heavily on what in the HR world is called ‘Mini-Me Syndrome’.

When I was single and looking to meet someone, I was clear in my head that I wanted to get married. I wasn’t into dating just for the sake of it, and I would have let anyone that I was interested in or that was interested in me, know, before things got serious. But I’ve often wondered, what if you start to develop feelings for the person you’re talking with and along the line they tell you that they just want to be friends? Or that they’re not looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage? What happens when you want something more? Do you just keep the relationship going, in the hope that they will come round to what you want, or do you end it and count your losses?

When I was dating, I had a pretty clear picture of the man I was looking for, only I couldn’t find him anywhere. I took heart from the Michael Bublé song, “I Just Haven’t Met You Yet”, and continued my search. Still single in my early forties, I finally realised that the person I’d been seeking actually didn’t exist. I saw that I had a rigid idea of my future partner and I wasn’t open to anyone who didn’t fit the mould – and this was thwarting my chances of finding love.

Love has many forms in the Bible. We know of ‘Agape’, (God’s divine love), ‘Philia’ (brotherly love), and ‘Eros’ (erotic love), for example. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is probably the most popular scripture reading at weddings but its instructions can be used for all of these types of love, and more. You can also turn to these verses when you are looking for a romantic relationship and apply them to dating too.

“I never expected to even find anyone compatible let alone meet my husband,” former Christian Connection member Johanna told us. She’s not the only one. Seeing photos of happy couples who met on Christian Connection can seem a world away from the waves and awkward first messages on dating sites.

Taking a chance on online dating can feel like a big step – new people, potential connections but lots of uncertainty, too. It’s understandable that signing up might mean putting aside doubts or managing expectations. Read some of the experiences couples who met on Christian Connection had before they started out here, starting with Johanna, whose story took a surprising turn – and much quicker than she expected!

Connections didn’t stop during the pandemic. We’ve heard from couples who met, dated, got engaged and married through Christian Connection during lockdowns and we were thrilled we could help them connect. Looking at life post-pandemic – or with the pandemic factored in to more regular life – presents exciting opportunities as well as questions.

Remember Lot’s wife? The story in Genesis about the woman who looked back at a burning city and apparently became a ‘pillar of salt’? I’ve always felt sympathy for her. Who isn’t tempted to look back? And maybe even go back to the old and familiar?

But her story can be read as a psychological truth about life and relationships: looking back and revisiting a previous relationship can leave you stuck. While it’s true that sometimes old connections can be positively revisited — if the issue was bad timing, for example — it’s been my experience that new connections are the ones with more potential. But, why?

Three years ago, a friend died in her early fifties from cancer. It was sudden and a shock to us all, a shock that prompted many of us to re-evaluate our lives. We vowed to focus on the important things – our hopes, dreams and deepest longings – and to stop sweating the small stuff. I said I wanted to get a dog, something I’d been talking about for a decade or more. Another mutual friend said she wanted to travel the world. I met this same friend a few days ago and we noted that, three years on, I still hadn’t got a dog, although I’d begun my search in earnest, and she hadn’t travelled the world (or found a way to do so once the pandemic eases). It happens, doesn’t it?