Dating & Relationship Advice

Sending a first message can feel like a big step. Whether you’re trying out a dating site for the first time or have dabbled before, it’s easy to feel nervous. What if I don’t make a good impression? What if they don’t reply?

‘I’m losing heart with online dating,’ said the Facebook post. ‘No one answers my messages. Last week, I sent over 30 messages to different people, and they were all ignored! Where am I going wrong?’

In my last article, I talked about the importance of praying for what you want in a spouse. It’s good to pray for what you want in a partner but even more important is working on yourself to become what you believe God expects a husband or a wife to be.

As I write this, I’m preparing to host a dating workshop for young adults with cancer. This isn’t my usual audience and I’m rather daunted by the prospect. But I’m also clear on what I’m going to say: that anyone who is looking for love can benefit from solid foundations, a strong inner anchor, healthy self-esteem, emotional resilience, a good dose of trust and bags of faith.

One of the things I hear more than I would like to are stories from Christians who say how upsetting their experience of dating a Christian was. While it’s true that no-one is perfect, some dating decisions in church cause a lot of hurt and are unloving. We need to talk about it, and we need to: Say It Isn’t Okay, Tell God We’re Angry, and Talk About Wider Fulfilments.

If I hadn’t managed to open my rather closed heart and mind, I wouldn’t be getting married in June. When I first began to date my fiancé, I found all manner of things about him to judge and criticise. I’d done the same with boyfriends in the past. If I’d have continued like that, I’d still be alone.

Dating can be amazing, but it can also be confusing too. While some men are happy to ask for help and talk about the difficulties, some aren’t. But I do think there are 3 principles we can follow, (no matter what our gender is,) to help us date better. Namely: 1. We Don’t Need To Be Perfect, 2. Control Doesn’t Work, and 3. Everyone Needs To Learn This Stuff.

There are a number of topics and life choices that commonly influence whether daters deem other daters to be a suitable potential spouse. For some, these deal-breakers – or showstoppers – are personal or even completely unique. At first, you might think you don’t have any… Until you begin dating and realise that there are in fact some areas in which you just can’t, or won’t compromise.