Dating & Relationship Advice

Soul mates.

We hear a lot about finding that person who was prepared by God. We call him or her our “soul mate.” You won’t actually have a soul mate until you’ve mated another soul. Once you’ve married, you have found your soul mate. Until then you are looking for the person you’d like to make your soul mate.

Myth: Counselling is just for people whose lives are falling apart or going through a crisis.

Myth: Going to counselling is an admission of failure or sign of weakness.

“I’m just about ready to throw in the towel, HopefulGirl” said the email. “I’ve been on the Christian dating scene for ages and I still haven’t met anyone. I’m exhausted, demoralised and losing hope.”

When I first joined a Christian dating website, I was convinced that within the year, God would guide me to my future husband. I was still on the scene several years later! When you’re putting in the effort and don’t feel like you’re making progress, it’s easy to become discouraged and give up. So here are my top seven tips for staying motivated and avoiding ‘dating fatigue’…

Some time ago I wrote a post about “why guys don’t ask girls out”. In writing that I slipped into the mistake common to a lot of what’s written about relationships. I wrote about generalisations, concepts; in focusing on the abstract I took the easy way out.

It’s the easy way out and it is the mentality of glossy magazines and trendy bloggers – we aggregate examples, form a trend and we look for a solution that can fit in a tweet.

If you’re single, you probably get advice from different people, including well-meaning family and friends on the single life and what to expect when you get married. But here are five simple but important things I believe every single person should know and bear in mind during this stage of life.

Even when I got to the stage in my dating adventures when I was positively blasé about first dates, there was always one point in the proceedings that was guaranteed to raise my blood pressure. The moment the bill arrived. It wasn’t such a stress if we’d just met for drinks – we might even have taken it in turns to buy rounds. But if we’d gone the whole hog and had dinner, I’d dread the waiter approaching with that ominous piece of folded paper on a silver plate. Should I go with tradition and leave it to the chap to pick up the tab? If I tried to go Dutch, would I offend him? If I didn’t, would I look like some gold-digging prima donna?

‘I’m so excited to meet him at last, HopefulGirl. We’ve been chatting online for a while, and he’s such a lovely Christian man! He’s invited me to his place for dinner.’

My blood ran cold at her words, but this lady couldn’t see the problem. She thought this chap could be the answer to her dreams. I was worried he might turn out to be the stuff of nightmares.

Last month’s blog ‘To pursue or not to pursue’, which argued fear of rejection often stops men from pursuing women generated plenty of discussion.

In the comments a few of you asked if women should pursue men. You’ll be pleased to know you can do whatever you like and don’t need my permission! As for seeking God’s permission, the Bible wasn’t written as a guide to dating, but it’s true Ruth chased Boaz. And God didn’t seem to mind that….or so the argument goes. But lets remember the marriage of Ruth and Boaz was also an arranged one!