Dating & Relationships

Maybe there’s no one suitable in your own church community, but you’ve heard of eligible singles in others. It might seem the most logical move, to, well, keep on moving.

My husband and I act as a support couple for couples thinking about getting married. We help to facilitate conversation between them, and encourage them to talk about any areas that may be contentious. After talking with one couple recently I realised that there are some questions people don’t think about asking each other unless prompted.

‘I connected with a nice guy online, we met up a few times, and he seemed keen to pursue a relationship,’ said the email. ‘But since then, he’s blown hot and cold. For a few weeks, he’ll be enthusiastic and romantic and talk about the future… then he’ll withdraw and say he’s not ready for a relationship… then the cycle starts again. I really like him but this is wearing me down. At what point do I call it quits?’

Your church should, in theory, be the ideal place to meet your future spouse. And for those who meet and marry within their congregation, this does turn out to be the case. But for many others, the question is less straightforward. Dating, or falling for someone, within a close-knit or even wider community, can bring complications.

When God doesn’t give us what we want straight away, especially if it’s a good thing that we desire, it could be because He’s trying to develop patience in us. We have to learn to trust and wait on Him. In the case of marriage, it could also be that He’s working on us whilst preparing the right partner to show up at the right time.

Mental illness affects every part of a person’s life; it can be tricky to decide you’re ready for dating and it can be even harder to know when and how to tell a potential partner that you have a mental illness. Whether you consider yourself fully recovered, recovering or if you remain ill, it’s up to you the language you use but I would say it’s important you’re comfortable with yourself and your history before you consider inviting someone else to share your life. Even if you feel your illness is completely behind you, if you have a susceptibility, it may come back, and both you and your partner need to consider the impact it may have on both of you – this subject doesn’t need to be doom and gloom, it’s just another thing to consider alongside others such as children, money and living arrangements.

How do we find someone to love? For many years, this question baffled me. I had no idea. None of my relationships worked out and I spent many single years wondering where all the available men had gone. Eventually, though, I found my answer. I’ll be getting married in a few weeks, at 48.

The first information a prospective online date finds about you is your profile. So it’s really important that it’s well written to accurately portray who you are and what you’re about. But how do you do this? And with a limited amount of space, what should you include and what should you leave out?