Dating & Relationships

Someone called remarriage “the triumph of hope over experience”. I see it as the triumph of hope AND experience. A tangible sign of grace in the possibility of being granted new chances, especially if the thought of dating after loss seems overwhelming. As CS Lewis said of his own late marriage, “I never expected to have in my sixties the happiness that passed me by in my twenties.” But considering dating, starting a new relationship, and eventually creating a new marriage after a divorce or bereavement has its complications, and here are some issues worth reflecting on.

If you’ve been single in church for a while, you may have noticed that a lot of churches don’t really know what to do with single people. Perhaps you’ve struggled to relate to a sermon, or sat patiently through a 10 minute anecdote about the preacher’s happy family. Maybe you’ve started attending a new church and no one has come to say hello. Maybe you’re just wondering where you fit in. It’s no new fact that many churches tend to focus on couples and families, and single people report feeling overlooked, misunderstood and even unwelcome. The good news is that change is possible – and it can start with us! As an individual, here are a few things you can do to help your church become more single friendly, better welcome and include single people.

Meeting up for a date can be exciting just because you’re getting to spend time with someone interesting with romantic potential. But you shouldn’t feel pressure to make every occasion an extravaganza. Sometimes what you need are relaxing date ideas. As well as creating space for conversation to develop – or opportunities for comfortable silences – taking your time in a low key setting can help to deepen your connection too.

When I ask people to list the qualities they’re looking for in a partner, they often say they’d like to find someone who’s living a full life, someone who has good friendships, interesting hobbies and dreams for the future. How do we find that person? First, we become that person ourselves.

“My now-husband David and I first started chatting on Christian Connection, after he ‘accidentally’ liked me, when he thought he was only putting me on a saved list! I initiated conversation, and looking back on our chat, the poor guy was writing me essays and I was giving him short responses. I am a truly terrible person! And to add to that, I regrettably ghosted him after a while as life got busy and I was experiencing disappointment after disappointment in my love life. Not that it is any excuse! But regardless, God had other plans…

Have you ever been on a date and thought afterwards, “I wish I didn’t talk so much about my cat”, or “Why did I wear these shoes, my feet are killing me!”? Going on a date can be nerve-racking, I know, but it doesn’t have to be! Here are 7 foolproof ways to make sure your date goes well.

Dating can feel daunting under the best of circumstances but it can feel even more challenging if we’ve been single for a long time. So how can you find the courage to open your heart to the possibility of a partnership after many months or years without one, or after never trying at all?

We probably all grew up with an expectation of what the perfect relationship would look like. Romantic movies, adverts on television, books and our own imaginations help to create the idea of the ideal partner and the model relationship. Couples that look like they have it so ‘together’. This can be heightened when single. It is hard when you first start dating someone and reality kicks in! You are excited, the butterflies start fluttering, you start thinking about the future and can be desperate to impress. But not every moment will be wonderful and we need to think about expectation vs reality. Even in small ways, expectations are not met, and hard conversations can be needed to make a successful, happy relationship. How can you balance your expectations and not let yourself be disappointed by reality?