Dating & Relationships

So here’s the thing. In order to date you need to be able to flirt or in some way able to attract the attention of another single person. Not too much, and not too little, but just the right amount to generate interest. It has been said of Christian singles that they suck at flirting. Especially Christian single men who are often accused of being ‘passive’ and non-initiating, whereas Christian single women can be accused of being ‘too eager’ and over-initiating.

In addition to wanting to eat more healthily, exercise more or bag a new job, if you’re single, you may also be thinking about ways to get yourself out there and meet that special someone. If this is you, here are a few tips to help you along the way.

Sometimes you’re just disappointed in a date. You’ve showed up, made an effort to look your best, thought of good conversation topics, but the night just won’t flow. Nothing happens. You’ve felt it from the start maybe. She didn’t look the way you expected her to look, he wasn’t as open as you’d hoped he’d be. You just didn’t feel ‘it’. But you try to make the most of it anyhow, and it is what it is and you leave and say goodnight, that was fun, thank you, I’ll call you (whether or not you intend to), and you go home feeling… empty. A bit numb. Like it wasn’t what it should have been.

‘I can’t believe it, HopefulGirl – I’ve been ghosted!’ said the Facebook message. ‘I’d been on six dates with this guy after meeting online. We were getting on well, we’d shared a few kisses, and it was all looking positive. Then, three weeks ago, he just… disappeared. He stopped getting in touch and didn’t answer emails and texts. I was worried something might have happened to him so I called a couple of times, but there was no response. Now I can see he’s active on the dating website again. I can’t believe he’d scarper without a word. Surely I deserve the courtesy of a goodbye… don’t I?’

You know that movie with the same title; the one where Mel Gibson plays the role of a man that gets electrocuted and somehow gains the ability to read women’s minds? Well, that’s not what this is about. But wouldn’t it be a wonderful world if men actually knew what women want?

Throughout my 20s, one of the biggest sources of stress in my life was the fear that God didn’t really love me and that I would never really know where I stood with Him. At one one point, however, I put His love to the test: I went on a sinning spree that took me further than I wanted to go and convinced there was no way back.

Sometimes what is familiar is not what’s best for us.

Maybe we grew up in a situation that we knew wasn’t healthy, or we’ve spent long periods of time in relationships we knew weren’t good for us. Maybe we’ve spent too much time around people we know are toxic, or been exposed to marriages that are more hurtful than loving.

Often Christians are in a church with an uneven number of single Christian guys and girls. They want to be in a relationship, or already like a non-Christian, and wonder if it’s wise to date them. But the answer isn’t yes, no, maybe or sometimes, the answer is, it’s the wrong question. The real question should be ‘What kind of relationships do I want to build?’ Then we can decide if this person would help, whether they’re Christian or not.