Dating & Relationships

After a recent talk I did on dating, a woman in her mid 20s asked to speak with me. She explained that she had dated someone before for a long time and thought they would eventually get married. She then said:

‘He was great, but the enjoyment had been missing for a while, so we ended it. Have I lost ‘the One’?’

What happens when God doesn’t meet your relationship expectations?

If you’ve been single for any amount of time, then you’ve probably had to face this question before. When we were younger, many of us bought into the belief that God had a special person predestined for us, and we would inevitably meet them and fall in love by a certain age. But by now, many of us have come to realize that that’s not always how it happens.

‘I’m dating a nice Christian guy who I like and respect,’ said the email (so far, so good – however, I hear a ‘but’ coming). ‘But…’ (there it is!) ‘I’m not physically attracted to him. I know there are more important things in a relationship, but shouldn’t there be some spark? Or as a Christian, does God expect me to be less shallow?’

Ten years ago, I had an email exchange with my friend Bethany Greenoe, in which she offered some marital advice to me. I wasn’t even dating anyone seriously at the time, but her words were so meaningful that I saved the message in my “Memorable Emails” folder.

I sat there and waited. And I waited, and waited.

I had made a coffee date for Saturday afternoon at 2:30 and arrived about 2:20 pm. I sent her a text saying I was there about five minutes before our meet time. No reply. Around 2:45, I sent another note asking if she was close. No reply.

‘I’ve never laughed so hard. I’m not saying everything has been easy, but it’s going so well’. This is what a friend said to me recently about his new relationship. They’ve been dating for about six months now, and he seemed almost embarrassed by the fact he was enjoying himself.

‘What’s the point, HopefulGirl?’ said the message. ‘I join a dating website, and no one gets in contact. I send messages and waves, but no one replies. Why am I wasting my time?’

Ten years ago, in 2006, I was rejected by a publisher.

It went like this: after four years of student ministry and thinking about a post-modern culture, I had an idea for a book that explored characteristics of student ministry in the context of postmodernism – a sort of analytical, practical, theological-yet-readable sort of book.