Dating & Relationships

It’s been said many times before that becoming a Christian changes everything.

This truism got me thinking about how our faith impacts our relationships.

When Nicky and Sila Lee started their now famous Marriage and Parenting courses, they weren’t expecting non-Christians to turn up. But they soon found their courses, although built on Christian principles, were so practical that many outside of the church benefitted from them.

In the dating world there’s often a lot said as to how to go about finding people to date, how to create a good online profile and how to date well. However (and unsurprisingly as we naturally prefer to focus on the positive) there’s less said about how to end well.

Have you ever had a goal or wanted a desired outcome in a situation so bad that you could feel yourself ache inside? Then you poured yourself into prayer hoping and waiting for the fulfillment of blessings or for your circumstances to turn in your favor. Perhaps you are single hoping and praying for God to bring you your partner in life or you are wishing for a change in career goals or expanded opportunities. Over time, we can wait and in some instances actually feel like we are even further away from our desired outcome. We have hit an emotional roadblock and are stuck. Nothing is shifting or moving. The reality is that we are likely on a learning detour on our road to blessings.

“A woman should never pay for a meal. Nor should she ever pick up the phone and call. He should always be the pursuer, no matter what. She should always wait on him to take the lead.”

I don’t think those were the exact words she used, but that was the intended message. I’ll never forget reading these words from one of my favorite authors. She was the godliest woman I knew (and by “knew” I mean I read every single one of her books!), but she was quite old fashioned and set in her ways when it came to male-female interaction.

One of my friends was getting married and went on a marriage counselling course. The person running the course explained that he was going to share with them the first question to ask when considering someone as a marriage partner. They all assumed he was going to tell them to ask if the person is a Christian, and to determine the person’s spiritual maturity. Instead, he said the first question to ask is ‘are they kind?’

‘How long do you think courtship should last, HopefulGirl?’ said the email. ‘I’m engaged to my girlfriend of five months, and my parents are worried I’m rushing into marriage. Meanwhile, my sister gave her boyfriend of four years an ultimatum in 2009, saying if he didn’t propose that year, they’d be over. They’re still together, and he still hasn’t proposed!’

It’s been a while since you were last flying solo and perhaps you saw it coming, but perhaps you didn’t. Perhaps you’re very happy about it; you’re moving on from something that turned out not to be right for you, full of hope and anticipation of what lies ahead – the dating scene seems full of opportunity and prospects, meeting new people is an exciting new journey upon which you’re more than ready to embark. Or perhaps it’s feels more like singledoom…you’re disappointed, disillusioned maybe even broken hearted and singleness is unwelcome, daunting, a distant memory you hadn’t envisaged you’d be revisiting. So, whether your glass is half full or half empty, here’s some practical suggestions when returning to the single life:

I have often looked back at failed relationships and wondered how I could have ever really trusted the people I have dated in the past. If there were obvious red flags and warning signs, I had clearly missed them, because I sat multiple times on the edge of an absolute train wreck of a relationship. Now that I have been married more than 13 years, I have learned to see some important signs around whether people are trustworthy or not. Back then, I wish someone had come along and shared these same signs with me.