Dating & Relationships

‘Now I’ve turned 40, I think a lot of men on dating websites write me off,’ a reader told me. ‘Would it really be so bad to knock a few years off my age, just to get those initial meetings? It’s only a harmless fib, and I’d confess the truth as soon as I met someone.’

Sometimes when I take my wife out to dinner, I look over, see a couple, and know it’s their first or second date. The signs are all there: the nervous chatter, the stiff posture and the forced laughter that says, “We. Are. Trying. To. Make. This. Work.” I look back on my own sometimes-awkward dating experience, and I don’t envy those folks.

So what IS the magic formula for finding your perfect partner online? While no-one has yet discovered the secret sauce for guaranteed success, there are a few things you can do to increase your chances of finding someone, whilst remaining safe and happy online.

‘A nice Christian man is keen to start a relationship with me, and I like him too,’ said the email. ‘However, his wife, to whom he was happily married, only died a few months ago. I’m worried I’d just be a substitute for her. HopefulGirl, how soon do you think is too soon to start dating after being widowed?’

It’s hard to believe it was just over one year ago that my life as a bachelor came to an end. Although there was much about that lifestyle I enjoyed—the sense of freedom, the lack of responsibilities, the ease of decision-making—there’s more about it I don’t miss. In fact, there’s one particular aspect I’ll never regret leaving behind…

It was my first year of law school, and I was single. I wanted to be married, but it didn’t matter. I was spending 12 hours a day in class or in the library, so there wasn’t any real chance of my getting to know anyone.

‘I’m not ready for a relationship yet, but I’m planning to join a Christian dating website to see what sort of women are out there,’ said the email. ‘My friends say it’s not on, but what’s the big deal? It’s okay to do a little window shopping, right, HopefulGirl?’

So I went home feeling let down by God. I had expected to be blown away and I wasn’t. I had expected to ‘just know’, but I didn’t. Our date was pleasant enough, and I thought his nervousness was kind of endearing but…no. I wanted fireworks. I wanted butterflies in my stomach. I wanted some sort of sign from Heaven (maybe a dove landing on his head and a voice saying ‘this is the one, marry him!’)