Dating & Relationships

Her sales pitch was unique, as was the man she was describing to her single-and-looking friend. “He’s such a lovely guy. Not the best looking, maybe, but there’s more to life than that, right? He’s kind, decent, very spiritual. No hair, as such… but, well, who needs hair? He’s kind of unusual, you might say – er, different. Quirky habits. Yes, looks older than his age but… I think you’d be a good match. I hope that’s not insulting. So… shall I introduce you to Josef?”

So, you’ve worked up the courage to ask someone on a date, and they’ve said: ‘Thanks, but no thanks.’ Or you’ve spent ages constructing the perfect email to someone on a dating website, and you don’t even get a reply. Being rejected is never fun. It can be painful and embarrassing, it can batter your confidence – it can even put you off approaching anyone ever again! But rejection is a fact of life in the dating world, so we need to find ways of dealing with it…

Click here. Click here. Click here. This is what the Internet screams at us. You’re reading this blog, but your brain will soon be telling you to click elsewhere. Why?

Part of the answer to that question is we’ve become used to seeing ‘clickbait’ (def. ‘content, especially that of a sensational or provocative nature, whose main purpose is to attract attention and draw visitors to a particular web page.’)

‘Advice on asking someone out is all very well, HopefulGirl,’ said the email, ‘but my concern is how to turn someone down kindly. I find it so painfully awkward, I now avoid becoming friendly with men, in case they ask me on a date and I have to decline.’

The human heart, who can know its mysterious ways? Perhaps you thought when you met The One (who definitely exists) everything would fall effortlessly into place. That you’d just know, and doubts, baggage, issues, fears, jumping in too fast, all of the icky stuff that had hindered previous encounters would fade out in a fanfare of bluebirds and confetti. Fire up the organ (so to speak) and get that wedding underway.

And yet… here we are.

My wife and I have known each other since high school, but didn’t date until much later. We had only dated a couple of weeks before we realized that we were madly in love and wanted to get married.

I was all for it! I even suggested a spontaneous, immediate wedding in Vegas. (Seriously.) Kim, however, was a bit more practical about the whole thing. She wanted to take time to plan it all out.

‘I’m no good at asking women out,’ said the email. ‘Nerves get the better of me and I’m either over-keen and scare them off, or I’m too casual and they think I’m not serious. How can I hit the right balance, HopefulGirl?’

I know, I know, you’re reading this because you’re on a dating site. Marriage isn’t imminent. You might, just maybe, have a coffee two weeks on Tuesday with the persistent waver who opened with ‘How r u, Shane? I like ur profile’ when your name is Sam. But that’s not the end goal. You would like to meet a partner, someone with whom you can share life’s ups and downs. You’re thinking ahead.