Dating & Relationships

‘I don’t know what to make of it, HopefulGirl,’ said the email. ‘I’ve been chatting to this lovely man online every day for months now, and he seems keen on me – but whenever I suggest meeting up, he finds an excuse not to. What’s going on?’

Marc rolled his eyes and confessed his online dating downfall. “I had to log off; it was like having a catalogue of women to flick through. I’d stopped thinking about anyone as human, including myself.” Marc, I have been assured, is the only person ever to have felt like this. No-one else in the history of the world has ever been tempted to judge another human being only by their physical appearance. He has been placed in special measures (an unexpected burst of The greatest love of all piped directly into his ear whenever he fails to appreciate inner beauty).

Last month, I spelled out the mistakes guys make at singles events. But we ladies often do ourselves no favours, either. We arrive in packs, spend the evening chatting to each other, shy away from making eye contact with the men, reject the ice-breaker games as naff – and then head home complaining that nobody spoke to us!

The message in my inbox was brief and to the point: ‘Hi HopefulGirl. Would you like to meet for coffee?’ I browsed the sender’s profile. We clearly weren’t a match, plus he lived 200 miles away and was far too old for me. So I thanked him warmly but declined, wishing him well in his search for love.

If I’d known these three things before I married, I would’ve been much better prepared.

When I was single, I regularly asked my married friends to share their advice on what it took to have a happy marriage. Almost every response was a variation of the same, foreboding theme: “Just remember this: Marriage is hard work.” That was it — no further explanation.

“I’m just about ready to throw in the towel, HopefulGirl” said the email. “I’ve been on the Christian dating scene for ages and I still haven’t met anyone. I’m exhausted, demoralised and losing hope.”

When I first joined a Christian dating website, I was convinced that within the year, God would guide me to my future husband. I was still on the scene several years later! When you’re putting in the effort and don’t feel like you’re making progress, it’s easy to become discouraged and give up. So here are my top seven tips for staying motivated and avoiding ‘dating fatigue’…

There’s no right way when it comes to getting the best out of life. Each of us may have dreams, hopes and ideas we’d love to come to pass, but making them happen can be tricky.

Some time ago I wrote a post about “why guys don’t ask girls out”. In writing that I slipped into the mistake common to a lot of what’s written about relationships. I wrote about generalisations, concepts; in focusing on the abstract I took the easy way out.

It’s the easy way out and it is the mentality of glossy magazines and trendy bloggers – we aggregate examples, form a trend and we look for a solution that can fit in a tweet.