Dating & Relationships

Here’s how not to do it.

I was a bewildered ex-wife, flung back onto the dating scene after years of marriage. Looking for guidance I latched onto ‘The Rules’ (by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider) and for a while it became my dating bible.

‘I’m so excited to meet him at last, HopefulGirl. We’ve been chatting online for a while, and he’s such a lovely Christian man! He’s invited me to his place for dinner.’

My blood ran cold at her words, but this lady couldn’t see the problem. She thought this chap could be the answer to her dreams. I was worried he might turn out to be the stuff of nightmares.

Last month’s blog ‘To pursue or not to pursue’, which argued fear of rejection often stops men from pursuing women generated plenty of discussion.

In the comments a few of you asked if women should pursue men. You’ll be pleased to know you can do whatever you like and don’t need my permission! As for seeking God’s permission, the Bible wasn’t written as a guide to dating, but it’s true Ruth chased Boaz. And God didn’t seem to mind that….or so the argument goes. But lets remember the marriage of Ruth and Boaz was also an arranged one!

A few years ago, I met someone that I thought might be the one. I use the word ‘might’ because though we got on well together, I never had any peace about committing to a future with him. It was difficult to face the truth and it meant I kept the relationship going longer than I should have. Eventually, I faced reality and went through the hurt and disappointment of another relationship not working out.

“If David isn’t interested in me, then I don’t understand why he’s spending all this time with me,” said Allison, an attractive, smart friend in her twenties. Allison had every reason to be confused. Her “friend” David was hanging out with her, confiding in her, and he often flattered her. But at the same time, he could be aloof, he’d never even held her hand, and he only spent time with her when it was convenient for him – basically, he was doing just enough to lead her on.

“I couldn’t believe it, HopefulGirl,” exclaimed my friend. “We’d gone on several dates, shared a few kisses… then he announced he was trying to decide between me and two other women!”

If you are going on a date for the first time in a long time, it’s understandable you are going to experience some first date jitters. The last thing you need to be worrying about is not having the bare essential items for any emergency that may arise, so I have put together some items to include in your bag:

‘TAKE wives!” the preacher shouted. “The word is TAKE”!” The congregation laughed as the T word – pulled from an Old Testament scripture – was emphasized over and over again. The message was crystal clear: Men should pursue their girl to the very end. What end? Marriage, of course.