Faith

As Lent progresses, I’m reminded of what I gave up for Lent seven years ago and how that 40-day period of abstinence changed my relationship with myself and paved the way to a healthy and loving relationship with my now fiancé.

I used to try my hardest not to hurt anyone in dating. I’d be very careful not to be too friendly to guys I wasn’t interested in. I’d be wary of being too friendly to guys I was interested in, because what if I got to know them better and then found out I didn’t actually like them that much? Wasn’t that leading them on? Needless to say, this is not a productive dating strategy. But more than that, it’s probably not meant to be how we’re supposed to relate to other human beings at all.

‘What has come into being in Him was life, and the life was the light of all people.’ (John 1.1-5)

This lent I will be reading #LiveLent, the Church of England’s Lent publication. Ash Wednesday this year is funnily enough, on Valentine’s day. Now that may sound contradictory. Ash Wednesday is traditionally a day of soberness and reflection – a day where we remember that we are ‘dust and ashes’, a day where we are reminded of Jesus’ death on a cross. On the other hand, Valentine’s day is meant to be a time to celebrate the love we for our significant other, although it has become a commercial holiday – one that we are reminded of weeks in advance.

Whether you love Christmas and New Year and are super excited at the prospect of Yuletide cheer, or whether you dread advent looming on the calendar, you’ll be glad to know there’s plenty of ways in which this period is actually a good time to be single. It’s known as the season to be jolly but read on to find out how this is also the season of hope and opportunity.

Earlier this year, I got invited to speak at a conference. It was related to my job and various experts in the field had been invited to speak. I was honoured but didn’t feel I had the credentials or qualifications to speak to so many experienced people and experts in the business. But, I knew it was a great opportunity, so I said yes. A few weeks before the event, however, I developed cold feet and seriously considered pulling out. But, I decided to see it as an opportunity God had placed before me, so I went for it. And guess what- it went brilliantly and I’m so glad that I did!

Last month I wrote about the Old Testament and so-called ‘biblical dating’. My conclusions were several: God will lead the process and you have the responsibility to make your own decisions. God will bring suitable people on your path, and you have to walk the path yourself and can’t stay at home hoping and waiting to meet someone.

‘As a Christian, pornography disgusts me,’ said the email. ‘But I admit I quite enjoy reading sexy scenes in romantic books. I’ve even bought a book of erotic short stories. I don’t think it’s a big deal, but my boyfriend insists it’s “porn for women” and no different to him watching pornography. Has he got a point?’

‘Porn isn’t just a problem for men,’ said the email. ‘I’m female and I admit I sometimes look at porn. I don’t like myself much for it, but it’s so commonplace. Is it really such a big deal?’