Faith

‘Some Christians say masturbation is sinful and we must strive to conquer it,’ said the email. ‘Others consider it normal and natural. I have to admit, it helps me cope with sexual frustration. What’s your take on it, HopefulGirl?’

If you’re anything like me, your social media feed is probably full of friends (and even some random people) with pictures or updates of weddings, babies, new homes, new jobs etc. Again, if you’re anything like me, you might ‘like’ some, ‘love’ others, and on the odd occasion, even make a comment. And this, after you’ve thought to yourself, ‘please, not another perfect family picture!’

Dating is like jumping in a scary, deep blue ocean… or is it?

Dating can be a tricky world to navigate. A place full of potential land mines that can blow up in your face, a place full of anxiety and fear: the fear of not being enough, the fear of failure, or the fear of being left alone. This may sound grim, but that is how many people tell me they experience dating.

I met up with a friend tonight. Mostly because another minute home alone was going to do me in. Sometimes my thoughts are too loud and my bedroom walls amplify them, as if that’s possible. That’s what happens when you overthink and re-evaluate every decision you’ve made….well, since you started making your own decisions.

Growing up, I had a reputation for being very independent. Because my birth father was rarely at home, it felt like I was raised by a single mother. Often she would rely on me to help her take care of my younger siblings. From changing diapers to helping with dinner to babysitting, I took on a lot of responsibility. This responsibility led to a sense of independence. This independence led to extreme loneliness at times.

Throughout my 20s, one of the biggest sources of stress in my life was the fear that God didn’t really love me and that I would never really know where I stood with Him. At one one point, however, I put His love to the test: I went on a sinning spree that took me further than I wanted to go and convinced there was no way back.

Often Christians are in a church with an uneven number of single Christian guys and girls. They want to be in a relationship, or already like a non-Christian, and wonder if it’s wise to date them. But the answer isn’t yes, no, maybe or sometimes, the answer is, it’s the wrong question. The real question should be ‘What kind of relationships do I want to build?’ Then we can decide if this person would help, whether they’re Christian or not.

For a lot of my single years, I was hopelessly awkward. No doubt, there were still attractive things about my personality (or at least my mom says there were), but overall, I was kind of weird.