Happiness

The human heart, who can know its mysterious ways? Perhaps you thought when you met The One (who definitely exists) everything would fall effortlessly into place. That you’d just know, and doubts, baggage, issues, fears, jumping in too fast, all of the icky stuff that had hindered previous encounters would fade out in a fanfare of bluebirds and confetti. Fire up the organ (so to speak) and get that wedding underway.

And yet… here we are.

Yes you can! Now you might be thinking, “What are you, crazy?! I dread Valentine’s Day.” Such pressure, the spotlight on me as a single, the pity of relatives, the platitudes from married church folk, the disregard from certain greeting card firms, the smugness of the happy loved up couples. Not to mention the accusations of being “too picky, too selfish, too old, too independent, too needy etc…” Embrace Valentine’s Day?!*!?

I know, I know, you’re reading this because you’re on a dating site. Marriage isn’t imminent. You might, just maybe, have a coffee two weeks on Tuesday with the persistent waver who opened with ‘How r u, Shane? I like ur profile’ when your name is Sam. But that’s not the end goal. You would like to meet a partner, someone with whom you can share life’s ups and downs. You’re thinking ahead.

Christmas. Advent. Yuletide. You’re here again. Neighbours have safely scurried down from their ladders. Houses are lit. Trees are lit. Nativity scenes are set up. Choir concerts. Ugly jumper parties. Holly and ivy. Red and green ribbons. Frazzled shoppers have exhaled a sigh of relief as they finally pull out of the mall traffic. H Samuel, Goldsmiths, Ernest Jones and your local jeweller have purchased their ad space—much to the chagrin of singles everywhere. Christmas marketing and hype—not to mention a few ill-timed but well-meaning lines turned jabs from church-goers, friends or family about being single during the holidays, and you’ve got me wanting to run for white-chocolate peppermint bark.

We often hear people say ‘be content with your singleness’ but is it always that easy? After a particular relationship did not work out, it finally dawned on me how much I wanted to get married. I thought I was content with being single but I clearly wasn’t. I realized that if I had a choice, I would always choose marriage over singleness.

Sometimes it can feel as though being single is strange, out of the ordinary, or that we’re somehow missing out on something. But that’s not surprising, when we look at all the role models in our society and in our churches: they’re usually married. From politicians to church leaders to celebrities, everyone seems to be in a partnership.

There aren’t many single Christians who haven’t, at some point, longed for a family of their own. The Christian church family is great (usually), but often we yearn for the closeness of a biological family, of people who really care for each other and help each other out. Can we create this in our churches without getting married? I think we can.

Here are 10 ideas for creating community.

For many people, going to a familiar festival each year can feel like returning home to a community of family and friends, while for others it can be very daunting, particularly if you are coming on your own, or for the first time.