Happiness

“Any advice on being a good man?” I was asked recently, the sweet but incorrect assumption being I have the answer to this little question simply on the basis of having written a book about being good. As a global expert in pretty much nothing, I say again: I only ask the question. But when it comes to romance, as in pretty much every area of life, I suspect it comes down to one thing: Do unto others. In other words… If you wouldn’t like it, don’t do it.

Myth: Counselling is just for people whose lives are falling apart or going through a crisis.

Myth: Going to counselling is an admission of failure or sign of weakness.

I hadn’t realized it, but my dates were becoming a job interview. I was on rapid fire with interrogating questions, evaluating whether the person across from me at the dinner table was an “asset” or a “liability.” Had I worked all these years to hook up with someone who was lazy and would live off my career earnings? Did he want kids, or should we just end dinner early and both be on our way? My dating life had become an emotional battlefield, and like most battlefields, it was war-torn and there was emotional wreckage. I was on edge, leading with a distrustful tone, and there was certainly nothing sexy or attractive about interrogation.

One of the most common objections to Christianity is that the Bible cannot be trusted because it is full of contradictions. The arguments surrounding the subject of Biblical inerrancy are still debated by Christians even thousands of years after the original texts were written.

If you’re single, you probably get advice from different people, including well-meaning family and friends on the single life and what to expect when you get married. But here are five simple but important things I believe every single person should know and bear in mind during this stage of life.

When some people write about singleness, it sounds like they’re codependent on an imaginary person. I read stories of longing and waiting and tears and I just don’t relate. I hear tales of emptiness though hope holds steady, or resolution despite hope-on-the-rocks, and I raise my eyebrows. I don’t doubt that these words matter and are true, true, true for people.

But I don’t get it. Maybe I am a sociopath, but I just don’t get it.

Fact: there is only one way to find love. It’s a simple formula, from which no deviation is tolerated. Who should pursue, how the pursued should respond, a smooth series of appropriate interactions unto the point of happy ever after and fade out amid bluebird song (bluebirds trained to sing ‘Shine, Jesus, Shine’, obviously). Books have been written on the perfect (ahem) method of playing the age-old game of persuading that special someone into your life as the indisputable God-ordained fulfillment of your destiny.

The single life…don’t you just love it? It can be fun, but it can also be frustrating at times. Sometimes you may find yourself asking questions like, ‘is it me’? ‘What am I doing wrong’? And ‘if I’m not doing anything wrong, why am I still single’? Whilst I don’t have the answer to all those questions I do think there are a few things single people should try to adhere to, whilst in this phase of life. Here are what I call ‘The Singles’ Ten Commandments’;