Happiness

Christmas is a great time to be single, right? The bells are ringing out for freedom, independence, opportunity. I could tell you to embrace it all, remind you you’re free of negotiating with partners over whose in-laws get priority, not over-spending on special gifts for a special someone, barely time to overeat, what with all the rushing between wild parties. But then again… maybe you haven’t been invited to any. I have. Well, one. The other guests (almost all couples) were described intriguingly: the big spenders, the socialists, the ones-no-one’s-too-sure-about. I had to ask: what am I – labelled, of course, as ‘The Single One’ – expected to contribute to the gathering? Fun, apparently. I was to be the entertainment, telling the assembled love birds what goes on in the world because they don’t go out anymore. It’s a fraught business, being special envoy for vicarious living. And shall we just gloss over the time I received an invite for ‘Festive drinks and nipples’ and was too scared to go in case it wasn’t a typo?

There are few people that really know what they’re getting into when it comes to getting married. I was one of those people. I mean, we all have an idea of what marriage is all about. We have hopes, dreams, and expectations of what it will look like. We watch movies, idolize TV shows, and even observe marriages in the world around us to try and get a glimpse of this thing we call holy matrimony. But we don’t really know until we’re there, do we?

When I left Uni with a good degree but no job, I followed the promptings of that ‘still, small voice’ and became a teacher on a missionary ship sailing around the Caribbean and Central and North America.

It was a two year commitment, and I had a great time, made some lifelong friends, saw some amazing sights and generally had a great sort of double gap year.

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until… until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Break-ups are hard and painful. There’s no other way to put it. When a relationship ends, whether or not it was a mutual decision, it can be difficult to deal with the thoughts of rejection, disappointment and broken dreams that can set in. Over the years I’ve learnt that the feelings and emotions that one experiences after the break-up of a relationship can be dealt with appropriately and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

A few years ago, I met someone that I thought might be the one. I use the word ‘might’ because though we got on well together, I never had any peace about committing to a future with him. It was difficult to face the truth and it meant I kept the relationship going longer than I should have. Eventually, I faced reality and went through the hurt and disappointment of another relationship not working out.

Christian single parents are people living in a broken world who have to face the consequences of the brokenness, for themselves and their children. The majority are unwilling divorcees having to deal with a Christian spouse’s wrong choices and actions. Others are widowed or were unmarried. But the reality of Christian single parenting is the same for all – it is a hard task. We are not ‘Super dad’ or ‘Super mum’, but weak and frail human beings with unique needs and desires, like everyone else.

Sometimes I wish I was someone else.

Sometimes I wish I had a little more bravado. Sometimes I wish I laughed at things other people found funny. I wish I was more spontaneous. I wish I was unpredictable. Surprising. I wish I had that edge. Whatever that edge maybe.