Happiness

‘My girlfriend and I recently split up,’ said the Facebook message. ‘She’s keen to stay friends, but I’m not so sure. I don’t want to lose her from my life, but I’m still hurting from the break-up and find it painful to be around her. What do you think, HopefulGirl – can you really stay friends with an ex?’

‘This guy and I are interested in each other romantically,’ said the email. ‘However, he has a history of drugs, gambling, crime and even a spell in prison. He became a Christian during his sentence, which he says gave him the motivation to change his life. He seems to have turned over a new leaf, but should I be concerned about his past?’

Is there anything you need to let go of in order to make space for love? Is there something that’s taking up room in your head or heart and blocking you from moving forwards into a new relationship?

‘I find Mothering Sunday really tough,’ confided my friend. ‘I’m happy for those who’ve been blessed with children, but I’ve spent my whole life yearning to be a mum, and a service celebrating motherhood is just a painful reminder of my grief.’

As Lent progresses, I’m reminded of what I gave up for Lent seven years ago and how that 40-day period of abstinence changed my relationship with myself and paved the way to a healthy and loving relationship with my now fiancé.

I used to try my hardest not to hurt anyone in dating. I’d be very careful not to be too friendly to guys I wasn’t interested in. I’d be wary of being too friendly to guys I was interested in, because what if I got to know them better and then found out I didn’t actually like them that much? Wasn’t that leading them on? Needless to say, this is not a productive dating strategy. But more than that, it’s probably not meant to be how we’re supposed to relate to other human beings at all.

‘What has come into being in Him was life, and the life was the light of all people.’ (John 1.1-5)

This lent I will be reading #LiveLent, the Church of England’s Lent publication. Ash Wednesday this year is funnily enough, on Valentine’s day. Now that may sound contradictory. Ash Wednesday is traditionally a day of soberness and reflection – a day where we remember that we are ‘dust and ashes’, a day where we are reminded of Jesus’ death on a cross. On the other hand, Valentine’s day is meant to be a time to celebrate the love we for our significant other, although it has become a commercial holiday – one that we are reminded of weeks in advance.

The more I work with single women and men, the more it becomes clear that self-esteem and self-love are vital ingredients in any healthy relationship. If we don’t feel lovable, how can we expect anyone to love us?

So pause for a moment and ask yourself this: Am I loveable?