Marriage

I recently came across a thought provoking paragraph on marriage in Tim Keller’s new book, Preaching. Here’s what the New York pastor had to say on how many in our culture view marriage:

‘A late-modern person…wants a spouse who “accepts me as I am” and neither demands that you change nor requires you to sacrifice any of your own substantial desires, interests, and dreams. This kind of marriage is a fiction – it doesn’t exist.”

One of my friends was getting married and went on a marriage counselling course. The person running the course explained that he was going to share with them the first question to ask when considering someone as a marriage partner. They all assumed he was going to tell them to ask if the person is a Christian, and to determine the person’s spiritual maturity. Instead, he said the first question to ask is ‘are they kind?’

‘How long do you think courtship should last, HopefulGirl?’ said the email. ‘I’m engaged to my girlfriend of five months, and my parents are worried I’m rushing into marriage. Meanwhile, my sister gave her boyfriend of four years an ultimatum in 2009, saying if he didn’t propose that year, they’d be over. They’re still together, and he still hasn’t proposed!’

My wife says our first date went well, despite the fact that I nervously interviewed her like I was Barbara Walters.

On the other hand, our second date didn’t go so well because – um, how do I say this – after the concert I took her to a nice, little restaurant called – deep breath – okay, here I go – don’t-judge-me! – McDonald’s – yes, McDonald’s (I promise, there is a somewhat reasonable explanation).

It’s wedding season, and boy do I know it!

I’ve just about recovered from attending three weddings in less than three weeks. I don’t mean to complain, especially as I had the pleasure of being Best Man at two of them. The travelling, organising, and expense can certainly take their toll, but it’s always worth it.

This week saw the numbers marrying in Church has plunged to 30% in just 20 years. Christian Connection has a seven point plan for how the Church might reverse the trend and bring back Christian marriage for the majority.

My wife and I have known each other since high school, but didn’t date until much later. We had only dated a couple of weeks before we realized that we were madly in love and wanted to get married.

I was all for it! I even suggested a spontaneous, immediate wedding in Vegas. (Seriously.) Kim, however, was a bit more practical about the whole thing. She wanted to take time to plan it all out.

I know, I know, you’re reading this because you’re on a dating site. Marriage isn’t imminent. You might, just maybe, have a coffee two weeks on Tuesday with the persistent waver who opened with ‘How r u, Shane? I like ur profile’ when your name is Sam. But that’s not the end goal. You would like to meet a partner, someone with whom you can share life’s ups and downs. You’re thinking ahead.