Marriage

If I hadn’t managed to open my rather closed heart and mind, I wouldn’t be getting married in June. When I first began to date my fiancé, I found all manner of things about him to judge and criticise. I’d done the same with boyfriends in the past. If I’d have continued like that, I’d still be alone.

This is a question I received when speaking on dating the other day in a church in London. Online dating, to what extent is it ‘letting Gods plan work out’, and how much of it is ‘forcing things to happen’. It’s an interesting question! And a very ancient one. I’d say the underlying issue here is a theological debate of centuries. To what extent does God lead our lives and does he have a detailed plan on one side, on the other side, free will, how does that work? To what extent do we make our own choices regardless whether or not God is happy with those choices? Can he work with them nonetheless, does he make most of our flawed decision making or has he even calculated those decisions in when planning our lives?

‘I’ve got exciting news, HopefulGirl – I met an amazing woman on holiday,’ my pal told me over a drink. ‘We both think this could be the “big one”. There’s just one problem… she lives in the States.’ Oh, boy. Of course, I’ll be delighted if my friend has met Ms Right – he’s desperate to settle down and he’s been unlucky in love. But 4,000 miles is an awfully long way. I don’t envy him one bit.

Do you recognise Hannah and Jonny? After connecting on CC they shared their story with us and even feature in our #StartsWithFaith campaign. A year after their beautiful wedding we caught up with Hannah to find out how an online wave has become a marriage…

‘I feel God has called me to a specific ministry in the future,’ said the Facebook post. ‘But my girlfriend says it’s not something she’s called to. I love her and want to marry her, but I’ve always imagined myself and my future wife working together for the Lord. Should I break up with her and look for someone who shares my calling?’

‘My boyfriend has hinted that he’s planning to propose,’ said the email. ‘I’ve always wanted children and, at 32, I probably shouldn’t leave it much later. My friends at church are all getting married and I’m worried I’ll be left on the shelf. Yet something’s holding me back…’

I attended a friend’s wedding recently. It was beautiful, as well as emotional. As I looked at the bride walking down the aisle, looking regal in her wedding dress, eyes fixed on her handsome groom, I couldn’t help but remember my own wedding. Walking towards my soon to be husband all those months ago, I remember being so excited and thinking, ‘I can’t believe this is finally happening!’ I had wanted to be married for a long time and when that day finally came, I was filled with too many emotions to put into words.

Finances can often be a neglected topic when you’re dating, and it’s no surprise because -let’s face it – these chats are hardly the most comfortable or exciting part of love and new beginnings. But with money cited as one of the major causes of arguments and relationship breakdowns, it’s not something to be ignored. So here’s some answers to common questions likely to crop up when you’re searching for “the one”..