Most of us hope that our future will include love and marriage. After all, that’s why we’re on a dating website: to meet a life partner! But the church’s focus on married couples and families means that many of us grow up believing we won’t be fully-fledged adults until we manage to secure a spouse. It’s easy to pick up the idea that life doesn’t really begin until we get hitched.

In order to find love, we have to expose ourselves to potential hurt. We have to open our hearts and be vulnerable. The problem is it doesn’t always work out. We might decide the relationship isn’t right, or the person we’re falling for might want out, leaving us with a bruised or broken heart. How do we come back from this?

Recently I was speaking to a friend about marriage, and as I listened to them talk about how much they wanted to be married, I felt like I was looking at a younger version of myself. I could definitely relate to the longing and desire to have someone to share your whole life with. This was me only a few years ago. I gave her some well-meaning advice which I hope she took on board, but it got me thinking; if I could speak to my younger self, what would I say? What would I want her to know? So, I wrote a letter.

Have you ever been to a Christian event and thought, ‘Where are all the single people?’ Last year I went to a Christian conference and spent the whole week thinking this exactly as I looked across a sea of worshipping hands with wedding rings on.

Is there anything you need to let go of in order to make space for love? Is there something that’s taking up room in your head or heart and blocking you from moving forwards into a new relationship?

‘I find Mothering Sunday really tough,’ confided my friend. ‘I’m happy for those who’ve been blessed with children, but I’ve spent my whole life yearning to be a mum, and a service celebrating motherhood is just a painful reminder of my grief.’

As Lent progresses, I’m reminded of what I gave up for Lent seven years ago and how that 40-day period of abstinence changed my relationship with myself and paved the way to a healthy and loving relationship with my now fiancé.

The more I work with single women and men, the more it becomes clear that self-esteem and self-love are vital ingredients in any healthy relationship. If we don’t feel lovable, how can we expect anyone to love us?

So pause for a moment and ask yourself this: Am I loveable?