If there’s one thing that married folks quickly forget after they tie the knot, it’s this: Singleness often hurts.

The most frustrating part for a lot of single people who desire marriage is the mounting pressure to get on with it, to find (or be found by) someone now. The unspoken judgment seems to be that the single man or woman would be married if there weren’t something wrong with them.

‘Honestly, HopefulGirl, my problem isn’t that I have issues around dating – it’s that I never meet any single Christian men,’ a reader told me. ‘I’m starting to believe they’re mythical creatures, like unicorns!’

‘I meet girls at work and through friends, but never any that share my faith,’ said a guy online. ‘There’s only one single lady at my church, and she’s nearly 80!’

Christmas. Advent. Yuletide. You’re here again. Neighbours have safely scurried down from their ladders. Houses are lit. Trees are lit. Nativity scenes are set up. Choir concerts. Ugly jumper parties. Holly and ivy. Red and green ribbons. Frazzled shoppers have exhaled a sigh of relief as they finally pull out of the mall traffic. H Samuel, Goldsmiths, Ernest Jones and your local jeweller have purchased their ad space—much to the chagrin of singles everywhere. Christmas marketing and hype—not to mention a few ill-timed but well-meaning lines turned jabs from church-goers, friends or family about being single during the holidays, and you’ve got me wanting to run for white-chocolate peppermint bark.

We often hear people say ‘be content with your singleness’ but is it always that easy? After a particular relationship did not work out, it finally dawned on me how much I wanted to get married. I thought I was content with being single but I clearly wasn’t. I realized that if I had a choice, I would always choose marriage over singleness.

In church we hear a lot about marriage. The institution is celebrated, at times it’s even venerated and possibly idolised. But is church actually helping us to get hitched?

Have you ever felt like you were waiting to get on with life? Many people live their lives according to a “happy when…” formula. This means they are waiting to “become happy” as details fall into place in their lives around the fulfillment of their heart’s desires. For example, they will be happy WHEN they get that new job, a new love, a new opportunity or more.

Sometimes it can feel as though being single is strange, out of the ordinary, or that we’re somehow missing out on something. But that’s not surprising, when we look at all the role models in our society and in our churches: they’re usually married. From politicians to church leaders to celebrities, everyone seems to be in a partnership.

Single men. They still live with their mums. They play video games all day long. They don’t have a proper job. They lack discipline and have little self-respect. They need to man up.

Does this description sound familiar?