Do you long for love, yet fail to take decisive steps to make it happen? When you do decide to take action around dating and meeting people, are you easily side tracked by other things that fill your life? If so, your busyness could be a cover for ambivalence.

Let me start by confessing something: I don’t have it all figured out. I’m waiting on God to bring that person that I connect with into my life. When it comes to being single, we’re all in the same boat. The trouble is that sometimes we jump the gun, misinterpret signals or simply take a risk that doesn’t pan out.

The single life…don’t you just love it? It can be fun, but it can also be frustrating at times. Sometimes you may find yourself asking questions like, ‘is it me’? ‘What am I doing wrong’? And ‘if I’m not doing anything wrong, why am I still single’? Whilst I don’t have the answer to all those questions I do think there are a few things single people should try to adhere to, whilst in this phase of life. Here are what I call ‘The Singles’ Ten Commandments’;

For Christmas one year, I got more than I’d bargained for. I was unceremoniously dumped by my fiancé. We’d been together for some years, so it came as a tremendous shock when, just as we were finally planning the whole wedding-and-babies thing, he announced out of the blue that it was all off. It turned out my replacement was already waiting in the wings, although he was too cowardly to tell me himself.

Christmas is a great time to be single, right? The bells are ringing out for freedom, independence, opportunity. I could tell you to embrace it all, remind you you’re free of negotiating with partners over whose in-laws get priority, not over-spending on special gifts for a special someone, barely time to overeat, what with all the rushing between wild parties. But then again… maybe you haven’t been invited to any. I have. Well, one. The other guests (almost all couples) were described intriguingly: the big spenders, the socialists, the ones-no-one’s-too-sure-about. I had to ask: what am I – labelled, of course, as ‘The Single One’ – expected to contribute to the gathering? Fun, apparently. I was to be the entertainment, telling the assembled love birds what goes on in the world because they don’t go out anymore. It’s a fraught business, being special envoy for vicarious living. And shall we just gloss over the time I received an invite for ‘Festive drinks and nipples’ and was too scared to go in case it wasn’t a typo?

When I left Uni with a good degree but no job, I followed the promptings of that ‘still, small voice’ and became a teacher on a missionary ship sailing around the Caribbean and Central and North America.

It was a two year commitment, and I had a great time, made some lifelong friends, saw some amazing sights and generally had a great sort of double gap year.

Break-ups are hard and painful. There’s no other way to put it. When a relationship ends, whether or not it was a mutual decision, it can be difficult to deal with the thoughts of rejection, disappointment and broken dreams that can set in. Over the years I’ve learnt that the feelings and emotions that one experiences after the break-up of a relationship can be dealt with appropriately and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Over 100 people travelled to Bedford to share their experiences and stories of being single in church and their dreams for the future. The stories varied from the positive, to the heartbreaking and the humorous. But there was an underlying sense of determination that single Christians can be empowered to affect a change in Church culture.