It’s tempting, at the start of a new year, to write a long list of things we’d like to change and then frantically set about trying to change them, while anxiously watching the clock. But impatience, from my experience, rarely pays off, especially when it comes to love. So, as we move into 2022, I invite you to let go of any worry, panic, fixed timelines or tight deadlines. Yes, I invite you to take your foot off the gas and relax.

Turn on the TV and it’s one bad news story after another which doesn’t fill one with much confidence for a brighter tomorrow or lead naturally to a positive mindset. Our world has changed so much recently that it can be hard to see how things can get better. However, even though the world may seem all dark and gloomy right now, I think it is possible to expect this year to be better than the last. How can you do that, you may ask?

I’m the sort of person who gets excited about Christmas far too early. Come November I’m cranking out the Michael Bublé, watching every cheesy Christmas movie imaginable and taking the long way home to enjoy the lights across my city. Only this year, for the first time, I’m dreading it. I don’t know whether it’s the age I turned this summer, the fact that I don’t have a permanent home at the moment or the number of friends who have recently got engaged or had babies. This year, I’d happily fast forward straight to January. I really don’t want to do another Christmas on my own. But Christmas is coming, like it or not, and I can’t hibernate for two months. So how can we choose to enjoy Christmas as a single person, when we’re really not feeling it?

It’s that time of year again – a time of TV adverts portraying happy families, couples and children gathered around tables of food or brightly lit Christmas trees surrounded by gifts; a time of parties and gatherings and people making plans. It’s a time of year that can be tough if we’re single, triggering and isolating – a season that sometimes accentuates our aloneness and reminds us of the things we don’t yet have. Unless, that is, we can hold onto hope. Unless we can expect for a brighter future. This is the message of Advent – a time of preparation, preparing for a celebration, preparing for Christ’s arrival, for the light to come and break through the darkness.

Dating can be hard but one of the best bits, in my opinion, is sharing the ups and downs with other single friends. It makes the whole process more fun, less lonely and it keeps you accountable. Being able to support friends and be supported is a gift. It can be challenging however when you’re not going through the same ups and downs at the same time. How do we enjoy the journey together – celebrating, sympathising and everything in between – when everyone’s journey is different? How do you grow deeper and healthier friendships as you share your dating experiences?

I spent some of my late thirties and early forties feeling depressed. There were a few reasons for this. I was single, childless and living alone at a time when I always imagined I’d be happily married with a couple of kids. My life hadn’t gone to plan and I couldn’t understand why. But my depression had another source: I wasn’t living an authentic life.

My Grandfather remarried in his 70s after my grandmother died. His new wife was an enthusiastic, sunny Californian who would regularly smile at me across the dinner table and say how happy she was to have found my Grandpa, because “the greatest blessing of marriage was having someone to pray with”. As I grew up I started to question what you’re supposed to do if you’re not married with a built-in prayer partner to spur you on. The truth is your prayer life can be as full and exciting whether you’re single or married – you just have to be more intentional.

I have a birthday coming up, and every year among the celebrations, the candles and the parties, there’s a little pang of disappointment and fear as I turn another year older, still single, and not where I imagined I’d be in life. Some years are harder than others. I remember the year I mourned the whole day because I was one year closer to being “too old” to make it in the music industry. The year after when I decided to embrace my wisdom, swam in a freezing cold sea and felt like I could overcome anything.

There was the year I was seeing someone and they didn’t wish me a happy birthday. And then there was my 2020 lockdown birthday when I was back in my parents’ house feeling like a child, when everyone else my age was celebrating birthdays with their partners. This year I’m vowing to enjoy my birthday as a single person. The birthday blues may come, but here are a few ways we can make the most of birthdays and make the blues leave just as quickly…